The general, healthy solution is to acknowledge it, face it, and deal with it. All with the overall goal of becoming self-aware.

My journey, briefly:

I thought I was pretty ok until freshman year of undergrad. I was just really down, I distinctly remember one night I could not sleep and my roommate was not in the room so I rearranged the dorm room. Sounds simple but I knew something was not right, that was not the first sleepless night. Sleep has always been important to me so to not sleep well that many nights in a row was not ok. I started going to counseling and she said I had depression and anxiety (after a year or so it was determined to be situational). My running analogy to this day that explains how I feel is that I am in a boat floating in the middle of the ocean, alone, lost, with no land in sight. On good days I am either in shallow water or near an island but still alone. My current counselor says it is normal for someone my age to be lost…but mmm mmm I DO NOT like this feeling of helplessness.

In a 7 year timespan, I have been in counseling for about 5. The first 4 years were in undergrad and we mostly talked about managing or coping with the feelings and situations that came up. Then when I graduated and moved I seeked counseling again in my second year of being here. This counselor and I (after close to a year) are now working on getting to the root of issues.

Whatever causes you mental distress needs to be addressed. Your future self quite literally depends on it.

Acknowledge it:

This is where you acknowledge that you feel alone even when surrounded by people. That you feel sad in exciting moments. That you start and end your day with crying. That you yell at the people you love most. That you are not ok. It is ok not to be ok. Your family may value perfection, tell you to pray all your troubles away, or over analyze everything. What helps them cover up their problems, will not help you heal yours. Acknowledge that there is something wrong.

Face it:

This is where you may need to seek professional help because facing it does not have to mean sitting in the sadness until it subsides. This, to me, just means giving what you feel/experience a name and face.

Example being I could not sleep and felt off. The name is depression and anxiety. The face is situational which means it is not always around, it quite literally just depends. When you have the name and face you can deal with it.

Deal with it:

You may need professional help for this too because it does not mean brush it off. It, to me, means to get to the root so that you can effectively cope/manage. Notice I never said it goes away because I do not think it does, or at least it hasn’t for me. It is still there but you get better at not letting it rule you. When your anger issues pop up you no longer HAVE to yell and hit things. When you feel sad you no longer HAVE to cry or shut down. When you feel happy you no longer HAVE to feel guilty about that feeling. You just get better at navigating it. You no longer feel helpless to your own emotions.

**psychologytoday.com is a good starting place to seek the professional help I mention. Remember to stay in control of your body when it comes to the treatment plans. I have never been offered medicine nor do I want it.**

Childhood Trauma:

If you do actually seek professional help, the term “childhood trauma” comes up a lot. I learned that it does not have to be as bad as it sounds. Childhood trauma, for me, was associated with child abuse. I was not abused so I did not have trauma but that is not necessarily true. We are not perfect. Your parents let you down in some way and that has shaped how you navigate life. At some point you’ll need to deal with that but try your best to remember that they did the best they could with what they had instead of being upset for what they did not do/give. Your parents may have been there, may have loved you, may have even spoiled you…but it does not mean they did not fail you in some other way. While doing those things, they may not have allowed you the space to express yourself so you learned how to fit in so no one gets upset with you. They may have spoiled you but was never there to lean on when times got rough so you learned to self soothe (in healthy or unhealthy ways).

The point is not to place blame or nit pick but instead to see them as people who were figuring it out like you. Love them for what they gave and what they did. Forgive them for what they did not. Definitely easier said than done but you will be a better person for it.