You ever think to yourself “I could/should be so much better than this” or “this can’t be it” or “[insert Devine power you believe in] can’t be with me or real or something”. The list of possibilities are endless for what you say to yourself but the point is that you do not like where or who you are and you want more for yourself. My desire is for you to attain whatever that more looks like for you. But how?
In observing a few celebrities, my spirituality, family, etc. I learned that the first step to change where you are is an intrinsic one. You have to want to be better because YOU want to be better. Not because of social media, not because all your friends have it, not because you deserve it…because you want it. You have to want it so badly that when the journey gets difficult you have motivation to pull from.
Speaking from experience, the motivation part is key. Without it, you will start something and not finish it because you started something else. You work on increasing your income, hit a snag and start working on your anxiety, hit a snag and start working on your spirituality, hit another snag and figure you will give another look at finances, hit another snag and “o let’s work on physical appearance”. Lol you see what I mean? You have to want the end goal bad enough that the journey seems worth it because THERE WILL BE snags and it will not be all fun and play and it will make you uncomfortable…but that motivation should act as your push to keep going.
The intrinsic work looks a little like this:
Identify the areas that need work
At the top of a piece of paper, write out what it is that you have been avoiding. Maybe it is paying off your debt, going back to school, taking up that hobby, opening that business, and so on.
Identify the negative patterns in that area of life
Brian Tracey, a speaker and author whose career focuses on helping people and businesses achieve their goals, gave a technique that I have started implementing. He said frame your goals as an open ended question. For example, thing you are avoiding is to buy a new car. Ask yourself “How can I buy a new car?” and allow yourself to come up with 20 answers…then implement the answers to achieve the goal. I want you to do that but also ask yourself “why haven’t I bought that car?” and allow yourself to come up with 20 answers.
Identify the source of those patterns
The “why haven’t I?” answers are the habits, mindsets, and emotions you need to unlearn. For example, you may have said you cannot buy the car because you cannot afford it (and in all honestly you may have written that in a few different ways just to get to 20 lol). But take time to evaluate the habits, mindsets, and emotions you consistently do that led to your inability to afford it. Yes, life happens but being unprepared for life is a contribution to not being able to afford the car. You see where I am going? Find a way to take ownership because that’s where initiative begins.
Identify healthy solutions
Take the “How can I” answers and find the recurring theme, which more than likely is the same as the “Why haven’t I” answers. But this time research your answers. As elementary as you need it to be. Define savings, look up savings plans, question how you can fit another job into your schedule, can you fit another job into your schedule?, how can you make money with no time?, do you even really need the car?, what is a budget?, how do I cut expenses without heavily impacting my quality of life, so on and so on.
Practice those solutions so much it becomes second nature
Inevitably if money is a major hinderance then hopefully you see that in order to get your new car you need to work on your financial life. Even if after evaluation you decide you do not need the car…please do not accept that being unable to afford your desires is a normal part of life. Work on your finances anyway.
Pass the new knowledge to your kids
When identifying the source of the issue, you begin to see that those habits, mindsets, and emotions run through your family. Those are referred to as generational curses. Since what you know came from your parents then what you will learn in this process will pass to your kids.
Rinse and repeat until each area looks how you desire
You have the car now AND are not in jeopardy of losing it because you have control of your finances, congratulations!!! You decided against the car but took control of your finances anyway, congratulations!!! Now what? Maybe you want a relationship? Start at the top and find out why you have not been successful thus far and then find ways to combat it. Then maybe your significant other is really spiritual and you want to explore that. Start at the top and work through it. Or you just really REALLY would like to keep your house clean longer than a week because only…you…live there lol. Start at the top and work through it (you will be surprised).
This all takes time so be patient with yourself. You may ask, “how much time?” and that depends on your dedication to the process. What you are doing is all you have known for years, it will take longer than a few days/weeks/months to unlearn it all AND have your actions follow. One thing is for sure though, one piece at a time you will feel more in control of this adulting thing.
Here are some areas I have either worked through or am actively working through.